Also, my freezer is full of GS cookies. Well, it was. I'm working my way through them. Gosh darn it if I just don't love those Thin Mints and Tagalongs! I had Lemon Chalets and tried the Dulce de Leche (since this is their last year) and they've been polished off. In another week or so I may start hearing "did you gain the weight back?" 'why yes, yes i did, and it's all thanks to the GS cookies and my utter lack of self control around them'.
PS, below I will include a link to GS cookie cupcakes.
You're welcome.
Now on to a more serious topic. This is a journal/blog/diary after all, right? And I'm entitled to vent and share as I wish, right?
Darn tootin'!
About 3 weeks ago I was approached by a classmate/friend who asked if I wanted to go to church with him and his family, and to have dinner with them and to talk about it with them and the missionaries (they're Mormon).
I'm not very religious. I don't even know if I'm spiritual. I asked him why he asked me, and he said he felt compelled. Of course he said he believes that there is a reason, that God was behind it, but that he wanted to offer, and that I could of course say no, others have in the past and that is fine.
I was torn. On one hand, I honestly wondered if maybe the other Mormons in class had been talking and thought 'hey, that Lauren girl, maybe she'll join' (and I realise how that sounds, like they're a gang [only they would be 10x cooler if they were a scooter gang like in Scrubs], but I like honesty so I'm putting it out there). On the other hand I was really flattered. Like, REALLY flattered. I may be vocal but when it comes to who I invite into my home to spend time here, I'm protective. I don't want just anybody coming all up in my space (that sounds ghetto). And here was this guy, inviting me into his HOME, with his WIFE and CHILD. All I have is messiness and some things. Those are the the most important things in his life. Also, that he wanted to invite me to church. I could have taken it like I was being recruited by a cult, but to me it felt more like a very nice man was truly moved to talk to me about a huge part of his life, something that would also involve my life and soul. 5 years ago I think I may have been somewhat offended. 'what, you think my soul needs SAVING???? Save THIS!'. But maybe I'm growing, who knows.
I talked to friends about it, I even had one who said she felt like I should go while she herself is borderline atheist, and thought about it. I met with D and talked some more and I decided to have dinner and see what happens. I met his fam (beautiful), ate dinner (delicious), and talked with the missionaries (friendly, not pushy or crazy at all).
To be honest, I had even thought of trying out a church within the past 12 months. It has sort of felt like something has been missing. I even saw Eat Pray Love and was moved at her plight at self-discovery and journey for God. The missionaries gave me a copy of The Book of Mormon to take home to read on my own, ponder about, and they encouraged me to pray over it. That night I took it home, read a page or two, and for the first time in months (maybe even years), tried to have a real prayer. I can't even begin to tell you how foreign it felt to me. JUST like in the EPL book, I too wanted to start off with "Dear God, love your work" but I refrained. Instead I took it easy, like a conversation with an old friend I hadn't spoken to in a while but wish I had.
I also went to church with his family that Sunday. Their service is broken up into thirds with the first being as a big group, the second with a smaller Sunday School group, and then a third where the men and women break off separately, each part lasting an hour. I left after the second hour, but I honestly wanted to stay for the third. I didn't think I would want to stay that long so I hadn't planned accordingly.
Here is what I've discovered so far - 1) the Mormons aren't a cult. In fact, they seem to be some of the most genuine (and genuinely nice) people I have met. 2) I am working my way through the Book of Mormon and praying about it like I was encouraged and promised to do. 3) Their church didn't feel foreign to me at all. Once I got used to it, it actually felt familiar somehow, which was comforting. 4) Prayer - I had a feeling once when I was a teenager and described it to them. It's what the Mormons and Pentecostals call the Holy Ghost. If anyone is interested I can tell you what it really felt like for me, but let's just say that I haven't felt it since that once. When I talked with the missionaries and R, she said that she honestly had that same feeling I described when she read the Book and prayed about it. I really want that feeling again so I have been giving prayer another go. Also, thanks to the Sunday School lesson, I'm using it more of a conversation. As the leader said, He is supposed to be our Heavenly Father, our Dad (of sorts), and doesn't your Dad here like it when you call just to chat? So, I've been chatting with God. WOW does that sound pretentious lol. But once I started doing that, and really trying, I now close my eyes and this sort of wave comes over me. Maybe it's like what a trance/meditation is like, but I feel peaceful, almost like I'm weightless or not quite in my body anymore. And as I type it that reads sort of bizarre, but it's honestly what it feels like. I actually leaned against the wall on Monday before my exam and said a prayer to help calm my nerves and within a couple of seconds I had that feeling again and my nerves were squashed.
I don't know if there is a God up there that is listening, but for maybe the first time ever, I am actually trying to find that out for myself. I'm also trying to see things in a new light, as a Christian would. Instead of seeing the rain washing away all the snow just to get a foot of snow the next day (which happened here a couple weeks ago), I'm now trying to see it as 'wow, thanks God for washing away that snow. If we'd gotten a foot on top of what was already here we would have been in BIG trouble'.
I'm also seriously questioning some of my actions in the past. Things I've done that I'm not proud of, things I am proud of, and how I feel about them now, what have I learned. I can literally tell that some of the ways I viewed things in the past are changing.
Crap, maybe that means I'm growing up. Oh no, am I an ADULT now? Ugh.
And now for cupcakes.
http://rainydaygal.com/?p=2385
And can some PLEASE, PLEASE find me a Casey Abrams that is my age?!?!
